• Karen Parquet

It's Okay to Change

We're all aware of it, it's scary, but it's always there. Change is around the corner; it's coming in the next minute, the next hour, the next day. It is ever-present, and it is overarching in the story of your life.

Change is something that we always think of. It's something we talk about frequently. In our lives, in our relationships, either at home or with friends. Change makes us grow as a person and develop into a wonderful human being that graces other people's lives. We shouldn't be worried about changing and upsetting people. If people are upset by a change in your life, or that you've changed over the years, then there is something deeper at play there that they need to address.

Let's talk about the bedroom, for example. It's well known that relationships change over time; in fact, during the first year of marriage, a couple's tendency to have sex usually falls off. Now that's not true for everyone, but mostly, it's true whether you have it less frequently, or feel like having it less often. This change in attitude and function is normal and human, and there's nothing wrong with this change, it just means that you need to adjust.

If intimacy is something that you find to be very important in your relationship, then it's probably something you need to sit down and talk about with your partner. Change is happening to you both, and speaking about it (without accusatory statements) is the best way of going about figuring out how to 'bring the spark back' without growing resentful of each other.

Just realize that sometimes changes may not be helped. Sometimes there are factors involved like stress, kids, work, medications, illness, and other things that come into play when you're talking about changes to someone's persona (and sexual function). Rather than assuming that anything is wrong, make sure you sit down first and have a discussion, make sure that everything is okay, and then see what is needed to get back on the right path.

Going outside of the bedroom–change in other areas is expected. Over time we age, and through relationships, that means we grow together as people. We learn each other's habits, get to know one another intimately, and get into the nitty-gritty of the person we're with down to every little pattern they have. A change like this is normal, but it doesn't have to make you complacent.

Making sure that you're growing with that change and embracing it as who you are, and doing the same out of respect for your partner is the best thing that you can do. You can't expect that your relationship with your partner, or anyone, will stay the same over 2, 5, 10, or 50 years that you're together.

Embrace change and respect the changes that have happened with those around you. It's okay to differ from how you were ten years ago, you're not that same person. I know I'm not the same person now that I was in my 20s and, I don't really want to be that person in my 20s. I'm happy with where I am now, and I realize I won't be the same that I am now in my 40s, in my 60s.

Just know that if you're scared of differing from how you used to be, it's okay to be that way, but don't let it hold you back. Change is inevitable, and to think you can get away from it is foolhardy. So rather than be afraid of it, embrace it and go with the flow. Meet this improved you with a big smile, take them by the hand, and start on a new and exciting journey together.

Be that marvelous you. Be fierce. Be proud. Stand up and say "This is me."


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